if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
