You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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