why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
