I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
