We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
