You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
