She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i permit you to call me
My liver just broke up with me...
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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