and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
