i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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