I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
