Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
