If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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