I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
