Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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