i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
