I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
