susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
