She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
