Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
