It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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