I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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