pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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