thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
someone owes me an orgasm
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
