From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
