Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
