Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
