Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
where does the pee come out of this thing
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
