My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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