Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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