hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
