So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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