For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Bring me that man meat
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
