I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
