He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
