I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
