better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
