Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
