so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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