so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
