Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
