He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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