He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
