Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
