Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
