Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
