Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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