two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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