He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
