i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
