He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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